When A Sexless Marriage Becomes Normal? 7 Situations
Posted On June 13, 2022
(Last Updated On: June 13, 2022)
When does a sexless marriage become normal? Being in a sexless marriage is perfectly normal on several occasions. It’s tempting to fear that your relationship is in peril if there’s a lot of silence in the bedroom—apart from his snoring, of course. Laurie Watson, sex therapist and author of Wanting Sex Again: How to Rediscover Your Desire and Heal a Sexless Marriage, says, “These days it’s impossible to think of marriage as anything other than a combination of being closest friends, economic dependents, and passionate lovers.”This article will share some insights on When a sexless marriage becomes normal. Keep reading.
“It is feasible for two individuals to cooperate together in different ways,” says the author, “but this ideal is just that—an ideal.” Here are eight reasons why you shouldn’t be concerned about a lack of bedroom action, as told by specialists and women who have been there.
How often does a sexless relationship occur? According to AASECT-certified sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman, having sex 10 times a year or fewer is commonly considered a sexless relationship.
Is it healthy to be in a sexless relationship? Is it possible to have a sexless marriage? The quick answer is that a sexless marriage can last – but it will cost you. Lack of sex may lead to diminished closeness and connection, emotions of bitterness, and even adultery if one spouse craves sex while the other is not.
Is it possible for a marriage to endure without intimacy? A sexless marriage can last, but a lack of physical closeness can cause a relationship to deteriorate. Physical closeness may not be as important to some couples as it is to others. This is OK as long as both parties are happy with the amount of sex they have in their relationship.
Is it possible to have a sexless marriage for a long time? Sexless partnerships can survive a lifetime for some people, while they become unpleasant within two weeks for others. Couples are hesitant to discuss this publicly because they believe other couples are always having sex.
When does a sexless marriage become normal?
What is the impact of a sexless marriage on a man? Lack of sex may lead to mental health problems, particularly when a guy believes he is unable to perform adequately in bed while still meeting his wife’s sexual requirements. The psychological repercussions of a sexless marriage may result as a result of this. A sexless marriage can lead to depression and anxiety, which are typical side effects.
What does a woman go through in a sexless marriage? It’s difficult to go through a sexless marriage. It can have a variety of effects on you, such as your emotional state, self-confidence, self-esteem, marriage seriousness, agitation, and so on.
Let’s find below some situations when a sexless marriage becomes normal?
1. Responsibilities have suddenly increased
No, we’re not talking about a side project at work. Susan, who has been married for 17 years, adds, “When my father became ill, I became his primary carer.” “I didn’t have the energy or motivation for sex because of his practical, everyday requirements and the emotional toll. I felt drained and frightened. It took me almost a year to reclaim my desire—and my feeling of balance in general.” What is the solution? Susan K. Whitbourne, Ph.D., a psychology professor at the University of Massachusetts Amherst, advises: “Just keep talking.”
“Relationship problems arise when a couple ceases speaking with one other or communicates in detrimental ways. Arguments that go on and on, for example, indicate that your relationship is in peril.”
2. Quit having sex
Zero sex doesn’t have to signal doom if you and your partner are on the same page about what will—and won’t—happen in the bedroom, according to Watson. If you don’t want sex but he wants, you’ll need to figure out how he’ll be content with the situation. “The agreement’s clarity is critical,” Watson argues.
“Would you, for example, allow your partner to have sex outside of your marriage without growing envious?” It may sound extreme, but chatting openly with your spouse can help you discover a solution that works for both of you.
3. You’re getting used to being in a relationship
According to Watson, newlyweds have a reputation for getting into bed at every moment. However, after the honeymoon phase is ended, this is not the case. “Within two years of marriage or strong commitment, one-third of all couples are sexless or low-sexed—that is, they do it less than twice a month,” she adds.
“New couples struggle to strike a balance between their demands for connection and separation. So, instinctively, the loss of desire and attraction is a method of asserting space and distance without looking selfish or harming the feelings of the other.” That’s fine, Watson adds, as long as it doesn’t become a permanent condition.
4. There is a psychological problem
“I have depressive episodes that can last months,” Jo adds. “Even with medicine and counseling, they cast a pall over my life, thus sex is neglected because I don’t feel sexy—indeed, I don’t feel anything at all. Fortunately, my spouse is patient and willing to wait for the skies to clear.”
You may retain your connection even if you’re feeling sad and don’t feel like going to bed for anything other than sleep, according to Whitbourne. She recommends, “Make sure that a lack of sex does not imply a lack of closeness.”
“You may be physically close even if you’re not having intercourse. Holding hands, snuggling, kissing—all of these actions can help you maintain a great relationship while also benefiting your mental health.”
5. A sexual dysfunction
Sex has come to a halt, but not for want of trying. According to Lauren Campbell, a sex therapist in Raleigh, NC, if he can’t retain an erection or one of you is suffering from sexual dysfunction, it can create a sense of impending doom. Don’t be concerned.
“I ask clients if they mean the total absence of sexual interaction or just lack of sexual intercourse as a sex therapist. Removing sexual intercourse as a goal and guiding the couple to explore intimate touch instead typically restores emotional intimacy, laying the groundwork for complete sexual recovery.”
6. One of you has been unwell
When a partner is diagnosed with a sickness, chronic condition, or illness, it’s natural for sex to fall by the wayside—or even become impossible. “When my husband was receiving cancer treatment, our feelings for each other became stronger—but anything bedroom-related was off the table,” Joanne, who has been married for 22 years, explains.
“He wasn’t feeling well, and I was too busy with appointments and insurance and whether today would be a good or terrible day to even consider sex.” “The quest for new ways to relate to each other might provide fresh chances for closeness,” Whitbourne adds if this is the case. This is a good thing.
7. Your schedules aren’t in sync
Busy schedules that make you feel more like ships in the night than lovers can disrupt intimacy. Shift work can wreak havoc on your sex life, and full schedules that make you feel more like ships in the night than lovers can wreak havoc on intimacy. That’s fine, as long as you don’t beat yourself up over it, adds Whitbourne.
“According to research, successful marriages are those in which the pair is still emotionally, if not physically, connected. It’s easier to accept each other when you don’t feel that there’s something ‘wrong’ with you or your spouse.”
When you’re virtually ever at home due to work obligations—and when you are, it’s all about catching up with the family or getting some sleep—sex may easily slip between the cracks. It’s only a cause for concern if you’re unhappy with other aspects of your marriage, according to Whitbourne.
“These are evidence that your relationship is still healthy if you and your partner still enjoy each other’s company if you have lots to speak about, if you manage conflicts constructively, and if you feel committed to the relationship.” You should consult professionals for improving any situation you face.
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