How to Deal with Toxic Mother-In-Law for A Better Relationship
Posted On April 21, 2023
(Last Updated On: April 21, 2023)
How to deal with a toxic mother-in-law? In-laws are a problem that many ladies wish didn’t exist in marriage. This is due to the fact that it is the scourge of many troubled marriages. Many daughters-in-law despise their mothers-in-law, and very few have ever said anything complimentary about a mother-in-law. When they marry their spouses, many spinsters regret they didn’t have one. This article will share some insight on how to deal with a toxic mother-in-law. Keep reading.
Mothers-in-law are frequently viewed as domineering, obnoxious, and a wife’s worst adversary. The following are some questions to consider:
‘What is it about mothers-in-law that their daughters-in-law understand?’ ‘Are in-law moms genuinely bad?’
There is frequently a continuous, burning struggle between a mother-in-law and her daughter-in-law in many houses across the world, especially in African settings.
The disagreement involves two parties: the woman and her husband on the one side, and the mother-in-law on the other. It is necessary to examine the roles performed by each conflicting party in order to determine the reasons for the conflict. Let’s find below some tips on how to deal with the toxic mother-in-law.
How to deal with toxic mother in law
Many wives, particularly African wives, enter marriage with preconceived views that their mothers-in-law are bad and must be put in their proper positions. As a result, they have formed an opinion about their in-laws and have determined that they are enemies. So, if a woman has a loving and caring mother-in-law, she will misinterpret everything she says or does.
A wife may believe that if her husband marries her, he would have to forget about his parents and cling to her. This deception is based on a verse in the Bible that states, “A man will leave his father and mother and cling unto his wife.” They appear to forget that, because of their erroneous understanding of this passage, ‘a man should revere his parents.’
Because he married a woman, a smart guy will not desert his parents. He needs to keep in touch with them and provide for them. His relationship with them, on the other hand, should not enable them to meddle in his affairs, particularly his marital troubles.
Unfortunately, in many locations, notably in Africa, relatives intrude in a married couple’s marital matters, and this attitude is a consequence of African cultural norms, particularly the extended family structure.
The African extended family structure is a lovely and admirable cultural system that permits a member to be his brother’s caretaker. However, one key flaw in this system is a member’s supposed right to interfere in another member’s marital matters.
No parent has the authority to interfere in a son’s marriage matters unless the boy gives them permission. When such rights are granted, they are frequently misused, with the mother-in-law being the main perpetrator. A kid who grants his relations interference rights is clearly immature and yet enslaved to his parents, i.e. tethered to their apron strings. Marriage is for grown-ups and true gentlemen. Real men aren’t merely men in terms of appearance, as some guys mistakenly believe. Maturity is defined as the ability to accept full responsibility for one’s actions and to meet problems head-on.
Between healthy regard for one’s parents and devotion to them, there is a world of difference. Many guys appear to be unaware of the distinction. A son who accepts undue meddling in his marital matters sets the basis for a dispute, whether deliberately or unconsciously, especially if his wife despises and resents such interference. As a result, the son/husband has become a contributor to the problem.
Some men have strong emotional attachments to their parents, particularly their mothers, and it is this loop that a mother-in-law exploits to cause problems for her daughter-in-law.
A mother-in-law wants her son to love and accept her. She wants to stay important in his life and to be treated as such. One of the most personal yet non-sexual relationships is that between a mother and her son.
Mothers are generally extremely devoted to their sons. Some moms, who may have had terrible marriages with perhaps impossible husbands in the past, find refuge in their children to soothe and care for them. They may have endured a great lot and endured several humiliations in order to educate and raise their children. They’d think of their children as mini-husbands.
A young lady emerges on the scene, abruptly diverting her son’s focus away from her. She feels oppressed and is heartbroken as a result. The mother is unaware that when her son marries, she will be relegated to the backseat in her son’s life, while her daughter-in-law would take center stage. The mother still wants her son’s undivided attention, which her daughter-in-law would interpret as rivalry and competitiveness.
As a result, the conflict between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is a war for the son/attention husbands and control.
Some mothers-in-law are needlessly difficult to please or satisfy, and a daughter-in-law cannot satisfy them. It’s sometimes out of jealousy, especially if the mother-in-law had a rocky and miserable marriage while her daughter-in-law is now in a nice and friendly relationship.
Some mothers-in-law have excellent intentions and are genuinely concerned about their son’s well-being, which the daughter-in-law may see as poking nosing.
The Road Ahead
The connection with one’s in-laws is delicate, and understanding how to handle it without rupturing it is essential. Furthermore, because the married connection is so special, the couple must not allow their in-laws’ relationship to damage it.
Because he is the leader of the household, it is the husband’s responsibility to lead any conflict settlement involving his wife and her in-laws. Misunderstandings between in-laws are sure to happen, and they should be addressed immediately rather than allowing them to fester.
A husband has a responsibility to defend and support his wife at all times. Marriage is characterized by ‘leaving and cleaving.’ This indicates that all previous relationships must be severed before the marital bond can be created. A true and developed man, untethered by his parents’ apron ties, must be able to stand on his own two feet and refuse outside intervention in his marital relations. This does not imply that the spouse will stop communicating with his family.
Regardless of in-law hatred, a wife cannot separate herself from them since when she married her husband, she also married his family. So there’s no way she’ll be able to wipe out her in-laws. She should first assess herself to determine if there are any internal difficulties that are causing the friction.
She must understand that she is a wife and a daughter-in-law now, but she will have daughters-in-law tomorrow, and her daughters will have mothers-in-law as well. When she becomes a mother-in-law, she will harvest what she sows today in her relationship with her mother-in-law.
A wife must learn to endure and accommodate her in-laws while loving them. She should treat them with respect and care, and she should be humble and nice to them. These efforts on her side will demonstrate that she comes from a good family and has received a solid education.
If in-law disagreements persist, it is her husband’s responsibility to shield his wife from his relatives while keeping a polite connection with them. This does not imply that the spouse and his parents will have a falling out. Because ties with in-laws must not be disrupted as a result of any marriage, it will necessitate subtlety and prudence on his side.
In order for peace to rule in the household, the woman must maintain good connections with her in-laws, and her husband must show the maturity required to refuse in-laws’ intervention in his marital matters. In marriage, the wife and her husband are one flesh, and they must jointly defend their marriage against external threats. I hope this article on how to deal with a toxic mother-in-law was worth reading.
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